Families & relationships

Tracing your parents

Finding out that you have been adopted can be a real shock. Once you are 18 (its not possible before this age) its natural to want to find out about your real parents, and if you decide that you do want to trace them, its important that you do so in the right way, otherwise everyone involved - you, your real parents and your adoptive parents - can end up feeling hurt. You can do this by obtaining your original birth certificate. Here are some things to think about:

• Tracing parents can be difficult and time consuming. Be prepared to be frustrated, and bear in mind that you might have to confront difficult emotions along the way.
• Be careful about idealising your birth parents. It's easier to fall into the trap of expecting them to be loads better than your adoptive ones. But be realistic - no one can live up to unrealistic expectations.

Don't forget how your adoptive parents will feel about things. Be honest with them about what you're doing, and why you're doing it. And remember that they've been there for you a long time. 80 S EXUAL HEALTH AND RELATIONSHIPS

These days, many marriages end in divorce - when one or both partners decide they no longer wish to live together and want to end the marriage. If both partners can sort out finances and agree about the care of their children, they will probably not have to appear in court, and can get everything sorted out by post (though a judge will always make the finale decision about divorce).

If your parents are involved in a divorce, hopefully they will reach an agreement with you about where you will live and when you will see them. If the court thinks you are old enough to have a view of your own, you will be talked to in private by a court welfare officer so that he/she can take your views into account.

What is a young carer?

• Do you help someone look after someone in your family?
• Is this because they are ill, disabled or have problems with drugs, alcohol or their mental health?
• You may be doing the shopping, cooking or housework you may be helping them wash and dress; you may be spending a lot of your time with them; you may be helping with medicines.
• Do you miss out on social activities, have no time to go out, be unable to have your friends around miss school to look after your relative?
• Do you sometimes feel angry tired or lonely?

Where can I get help?

Your parents

All married parents and unmarried mothers (but not unmarried fathers) have legal parental responsibility for their children. This means that they are responsible for looking after their children and meeting their needs. If you are in care, this responsibility is split between your parent(s) and the local authority. Parental responsibility for you ends when you turn 18.

What your parents must do for you

Parents must;

• Provide a home and care for you till you are 18. But once you reach 16 you can usually leave home without permission.
• Provide discipline for you - and this does include smacking. By law this sort of punishment must be moderate and reasonable; if the authorities feel that unnecessary force is being used by parents then your name may be placed on a child protection register, or you may even be taken into care. Your parents may also be taken to court.
• Make sure you receive full time education till you are 16.
• Give consent to and medical treatment for you if you are under the age of 16 (unless it is a medical emergency).

Step parents