Sexuality

What is sexuality?

Our sexuality is an essential part of who we are and how we see ourselves in relation to other people. During puberty you may have lots of different feelings about sex and about yourself. This may seem a confusing time, decisions about sexuality do not have to be made quickly and you may change your mind later. Sexuality becomes easier to understand when it is split into three parts: sexual orientation, sexual behaviour and sexual identity.

Sexual orientation is the nature of a person's sexual attraction to other people. (Who you fancy). Some people are straight (heterosexual) - this means that they are sexually and emotionally attracted to people of the opposite sex. Some people are gay (homosexual/lesbian) - this means sexually and emotionally attracted to people of the same sex as themselves. And some people are bisexual - this means sexually and emotionally attracted to people of both sexes.

Sexual behaviour relates to a person's sexual actions; this might not always match their sexual orientation. Some people might have sex with someone of the opposite sex whilst attracted to people of the same sex or vice versa. Remember you have a choice about how you behave sexually. Sexual identity is what a person would choose to call themselves - straight, gay or bisexual. However, someone's sexual orientation and behaviour can be different from their identity; for example, having sexual feelings for and sex with someone of the same sex whilst identifying as straight.

Working it out

You may be straight, gay or bisexual. It doesn't matter which - just try to be honest with yourself about what your feelings are. Whoever you are, remember that there will always be other people around making the same choices as you, and others who find it hard to accept that you are what you are. People like this are prejudiced, and you shouldn't let them influence you. Just be true to yourself - you have every right to be yourself.

Are you ready for sex?

How do you know when you are ready to have sex for the first time, or just for the first time with a new person? It is easy to feel that everybody around you is having sex, that you are being left out; that no one will go out with you if you don't have sex with them; or that you need to have sex to be grown up. The truth is that none of this is true. Some people exaggerate their own experiences because they have fears themselves. A high number of young people regret their first time, especially if they had been drinking alcohol at the time.

If you are thinking about having sex try the checklist below to see how ready you are...

R u ready 4 sex?

• Do you feel you can say no and it would be ok - but you still want to do it?
• Have you made a special connection with someone?
• Do you both feel ready - have you checked out whether your boyfriend / girlfriend is ready too?
• Are you sure nobody is putting pressure on you (or forcing you)?
• Have you thought about contraception, and got it sorted?
• Are you confident you know what it involves, emotionally and physically?
• Are you sure you won't regret it, (in a sober moment)?

If you haven't ticked yes to most, or all, of these you probably aren't ready yet. Don't worry if you have already had sex, this doesn't mean you have to carry on, it's ok to wait for the next time until you are sure you're ready.

Remember, it's not a race!

Healthy sex

Staying healthy whilst enjoying sex has become more important than ever, because infections, which can be caught through sex have become more common. Research suggests that some Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) are growing quickest in the 15-25 year old age group, for instance it is suggested that one in ten sexually active young people, now have Chlamydia. This is particularly worrying as it often has no symptoms and so many people don't even realise that they have it.

A new relationship, or having a number of sexual partners, can put your health at risk, so its important to know how to prevent infection and what to do if you suspect you may become infected.

What are Sexually Transmitted Infections?

STIs are infections that are passed from person to person through sexual activity (either vaginal, oral or anal sex). Most STIs can be easily treated, though some have no cure. There are a number of different STIs, they affect your body in a range of ways. Even the ones with no obvious symptoms can have a bad effect on your health. Whilst some infections cannot be cured, for instance HIV / AIDS, many others have simple treatments through antibiotics or medical creams. Some STIs can also be caught in other ways: Pubic lice (crabs) can be caught from sharing towels or bed linen, and infections such as Hepatitis B and HIV through sharing needles when injecting drugs. Other infections like thrush and cystitis can happen on their own, but then be passed on through sex.

If you think you have been at risk of catching an STI through unprotected vaginal, oral or anal sex, even if you have no symptoms it is a good idea to see a doctor for a free and confidential check up, as some STI's can become more serious and cause permanent damage to your general health or even your fertility.

How can I tell that I have an STI?

Although some STIs may have no symptoms, there are a number of common signs that you may have caught an STI. Common symptoms of STIs are:

Women:

• Your normal slight, white vaginal discharge may become a different colour, smell nasty and/or become sore.
• You may get a burning or stinging sensation while passing urine (having a wee) and a feeling of wanting to go again straight away.
• You may feel itchy in your vagina and/or your pubic hair.
• You may see a rash, sores or warts around your vagina.
• Sex may be painful.

Men:

• You may get a burning or stinging feeling while passing water.
• You may get discharge from the end of your penis.
• You may feel itchy around your penis/testicles and/or your pubic hair.
• You may see a rash, sores or warts around your penis and testicles.

What to do if you think you have an STI?

If you have had unprotected sex and are concerned that you might have an STI, or if you know that something's not quite right down there, the worst thing you can do is pretend nothing is happening. Don't take the risk with your health. It might turn out to be nothing, but be honest, you won't be able to relax until you know what's wrong, and you might be passing on an infection or damaging your health, or chances of having a family later in life in the meantime. Some treatments are very simple - just antibiotics, or a lotion or cream, and they can get rid of the unpleasant symptoms very quickly. Other treatments are more involved, but ultimately they will benefit your health.

Help yourself

• Don't keep putting it off. Some people might find it embarrassing and a bit frightening, but the staff at Sexual Health and GUM clinics are professionals, they have seen it all before, and will be able to put you at ease.
• It's confidential; you don't even have to give your real name. You will get the right diagnosis, good advice and the right treatment and it's all free. If you don't know very much about protecting yourself from STIs, they can give you information about safer sex.
• If you're given medication, take it all as prescribed to make sure the infection doesn't come back. And don't have sex until you've got the all clear.

Help your partners

• They need to know. Try to trace anyone that you have had sexual contact with; don't just assume they will notice something is wrong and go to a clinic. If you don't feel able to tell them, ask the GUM clinic to contact them for you. They will let the person know that they may have come into contact with a STI and suggest that they go to get themselves checked out. They won't mention your name if you don't want them to.
• There's no point in getting angry and blaming your girlfriend or boyfriend if they have infected you; safer sex is the responsibility of both partners. It doesn't necessarily mean they were unfaithful; they could have been carrying the infection for a long time without carrying any symptoms.